Just Some Shit About Life
  • Just Some Shit About Life
    • Chapter 2012
      • How I Feel
      • Shadows and Skeletons
    • Chapter 2013
      • Table Of Continents
      • Everett
      • Spelling
      • Philosativity
      • Incase You Don't Know Or I Forget
      • Love Is Living Tissue
    • Chapter 2017
      • Day 01
      • Day 22
      • Day 23
      • Day 27
      • Day 28
      • Day 29
      • Day 31
      • Day 33
      • Day 34
      • Day 35
      • Day 41
      • Day 43
      • Day 47
      • Day 48
      • Day 49
      • Day 50
      • Day 51
      • Day 52
      • Day 53
      • Day 59
      • Day 62
      • Day 64
      • Day 68
      • Day 77
    • Journal Entries
      • 2009-11-24
      • An Introduction Part I
      • Anotherlife
      • Buried
      • Chapters
      • Forever Feelings
      • Infinite Loop
      • Internal Coding
      • State Of Address
      • The World I Want To Leave Behind
      • Unextraordinary
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  1. Just Some Shit About Life
  2. Chapter 2017

Day 50

Today is my 50th day of this new chapter in my life. I have exceeded almost all expectations for myself with where I thought I would be right now. I'm not going to play pretend and put on a fake ass smile for anyone. I didn't think I was going to come out of this in anyway that was positive at all. I was crushed, my heart was broken in ways I never new were possible. I still have questions I'll never get answered, I still miss talking to that one person I talked to every day for almost 6 years.

My heart still sinks to my stomach every time I see them together but isn't this how it's supposed to be? If I didn't feel that pain in my heart and that sickness in my stomach, would I really have loved her? Would I have ever learned from my mistakes? Would I have been able to grow into a better person without this? This is me coming to terms with my life and with my own shit. I may be able to speak about her without wanting to go 💯 with my fists in the wall but I am in no way ready to forgive her, those last two weeks together still replay in my head all the time and its like reliving that nightmare all over again every time, but it has gotten better and will only continue to get better.

I know the only thing that can heal me is time and I know that my heart and my mind are in a better place with each new day. Parts of me were broke but I am not broken. I still see the colors in all of the art, I still hear the melodies in every song, and most of all I still feel a passion for wanting to love and to be loved again by someone else. So 50 days later I made some incredible progress with myself and my life. I hope the next 50 days are even better. I want to mention that if it weren't for those of you who helped me whether you realize you did or not, this post would have been much different, hell I might not of even been here to write this.

So thank you.

Here Is What I've Learned

  • To See This As An Opportunity To Be A Better Father, Friend &Be A Better Man.

  • It's Better To Sleep Alone Than To Sleep Next Someone Who Would Rather Be Sleeping Next To Someone Else.

  • Parts Of Me Are Being Rebuilt, But I Am Not Broken. I Will Love Again, And I'll Love With Even More Passion.

  • I Will Learn To Forgive You, And I Will Wish You The Best With The Upmost Sincerity. I May Be Dead To You, But You Are Very Much Still Alive To Me, You Meant Something You Meant Everything To Me, I Will Never Erase The Good Days & I Will Be The Best Version Of Me To Someone Eise, Someone Who Wont Give Up

Day 49 | Day 51

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Last updated 1 year ago