Chapter XII. FRAILING

Abandon the intention of receiving; replace it with the intention of giving, and you will receive the very thing you gave up.

Intention in Relationships

We tend to measure our success in life on the one hand by the level of our achievements and on the other, by the volume of problems we have amassed. Transurfing helps us not to fight problems and rather than how to solve them, how to avoid coming up against them in the first place. In the context of Transurfing, our goals are also achieved in an uncommon way with the help of outer intention. One way or another, all our problems and achievements are born of our relationships with other people, personal and professional.

The question is: can outer intention be applied to relationships? The trouble is that outer intention is elusive, difficult to control or subject to personal will. However, there are techniques you can use to activate its function implicitly. With a certain approach, outer intention can be set in motion so that it works independently, irrespective of your will, but nonetheless, in your favour.

Instead of working with personal inner intention you can learn to work with the inner intention that motivates others. If you let go of your own inner intention, outer intention will activate the workings of inner intention in others. Outer intention can give you what you want in life with the simple waive of a hand because it does not want anything for itself, and it does not particularly have to do anything. It simply allows inner intention which is attuned to the frequencies of the external world to work unhindered. Use other people's inner intention to achieve your goals.

Despite how selfish this last phrase may sound, it does not actually mean that you are using or abusing other people. It is more a matter of not getting in the way of letting them do what they really want to do. At the end of the day, all problems arise due to a conflict of interests surrounding inner intention. Motivated by personal interest one person tries to get something from another, who has different plans and is intent on having things their own way. How can different interests be balanced and the needs of both fulfilled? It is a difficult task is it not? And yet, it is not really; it comes down to finding the common ground in each other's inner intentions.

A sense of self worth lies at the core of inner intention. In the world of pendulums the only things that truly motivate a person, at the same time as limiting their freedom, are inner and outer intention. Our sense of self-worth is linked with inner importance. As informational energy entities, pendulums are created by groups of people and later continue to exist independently, finally subjecting people to their own laws. The pendulums use importance to establish their control. This is why for the majority of people, enhancing their sense of self-worth is a key determinant in the formation of their intentions. Other determinants relate to fraile, and the needs of the heart but to a much lesser extent. As a rule, fraile accounts for a very minor portion of our motivations and is poorly developed, muffled by the constant need to maintain one's self-esteem in a world based on pendulums.

To activate the power of outer intention in human relationships you have to first break down one more false belief. You may often hear what would appear to be very appropriate advice: "if trying to change others does not work, start by changing yourself." This saying immediately evokes a feeling of inner discomfort and protest: so I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to!" And quite right that you do not want to! Do not try to change others, but do not try to change yourself either. Whatever you do to try and change yourself or others will be the ineffective and harmful work of inner intention. Problems can be better solved using a different approach. Allow others to realise their inner intention. The act of allowing will stir outer intention which will cause your inner intention to be realised seemingly of its own accord.

Imagine a woman who is itching to get married but for reasons she cannot understand her husband is resisting and fobbing her off with excuses. Working with inner intention the woman focuses all her thoughts on trying to persuade her partner to get married. Pressuring him will not resolve the situation and she will end up creating excess potential with her powerful desire and the importance she attributes to getting married. As a result, balanced forces will no doubt steal her loved one away. So what was the problem? Maybe her partner was not committed to the relationship or was no longer in love with her? Of course not. The woman transformed their love relationship into a dependent relationship making marriage the deal-breaker: "If you loved me you would agree to marry me".

For outer intention to work the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her and ask herself: what does a man look for in a marriage? The answer is not difficult to find. He undoubtedly wants to know that his needs will be met and that he will feel loved, valued, respected and admired etc. If the woman were to direct her energy towards helping him meet these needs she would not only meet her own goal but would succeed in having her own similar needs met. What if you feel the man in question does not deserve your love and respect? Well, why be with someone in the first place if you feel that way about them? Everyone is free to choose.

As you can see, there is no need to change yourself. The thing is that the open window is in a different place than where we usually look for it. As a rule people are so consumed with what they want to get from others that they do not bother to find out what those other people want. By shifting your attention to the desires and motivations of others you will easily find your own needs met. All it takes is for you to ask yourself what the focus is of your partner's inner intention. This is effectively like flying backwards from the pane of glass and finally spotting the open window. Next, all that remains is to refocus your inner intention on realising your partner's inner intention. By doing this you transform your personal inner intention into outer intention.

Very often inner intention is aimed at attracting attention and presenting oneself in the best possible light or you may be worried about something that is not going very well. Imagine that you are going to a party. You may imagine that all the other people invited will have their eyes on you and be aware of where you are all the time; for they have gathered with the sole purpose of discussing what you are wearing, how you move and what you talk about. If you were to hear someone in the group laughing you would assume they were laughing at you and you would catch so many disparaging looks! I sympathise!

You have of course twigged, that the situation should be interpreted in the opposite way. Everyone else at the party is primarily concerned with themselves and what other people think about them. How they treat other people is the last thing on their mind. So, you can relax, take it easy and feel free. Do not try to act with a lack of pretension or affectation; just gift yourself the quality of naturalness and ease.

Remember, that setting yourself the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work. Of course, you might get somewhere with the help of slides but that takes time and the party is today. You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you eliminate importance. However, reducing importance is not always easy. You will not be able to totally abandon the desire to present yourself in the best possible light just like that in an instant.

The solution is simple. When someone is talking to you what they need most is for you to give them your attention and show an interest in them as a person. You can be quite certain that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too. Shift your attention from yourself to others. Activate your Guardian and stop playing the game of enhancing your own self-worth. Play the game of increasing the significance of others. Show an interest in other people, listen to what they have to say and observe. You do not need to curry their favour, just go with the flow. As soon as you shift your attention from self to others the excess potential of your own importance will fade automatically. Then you will succeed in behaving naturally.

You attract attention to yourself, by showing interest in others. Do not talk to people about what you are interested in, talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves. Then your inner intention will be transformed into outer intention. Other people will immediately become interested in making your acquaintance. They will have nowhere to retreat from the power of your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings. It is useless trying to get people interested in your own being. This desire is a reflection of inner intention. Showing interest in others is a reflection of outer intention. By abandoning inner intention and switching your attention to other people, you effortlessly achieve the result you wanted initially; only outer intention has done it for you.

You may wonder how you can attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others thinking: "OK, so I show some curiosity. Will this really make me seem a more interesting person?" The thing is, that even if you were a thousand times more attractive than you are now, other people would still be primarily interested in themselves, and only interested in others as an afterthought. All the time that you are trying to attract attention you are thinking solely of yourself. When you show interest in another person, you fulfil their inner intention. Where does their feeling of fulfilment come from if not from you, and having realised that, who else would that person then be interested in if not you?

People are interested in other people when they are well-known personalities, like the stars of show business and the cinema. But this is a different kind of interest. Unless you are a film star, people look at you as a potential partner for business, friendship or love. Fanatics are extreme in their fascination with the stars, swooning over them, gobbling up every tiny detail of their lives, but it would never enter their mind to consider the celebrity as a potential partner in a personal relationship. In everyday communication it does not matter how interesting you are. What matters is how well the other person thinks you would suit them in a relationship and this is what they are evaluating whilst communicating with you.

When a person is with you they are generally thinking of their own interests and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit a relationship script in which they feel personally fulfilled. A person feels fulfilled when their sense of self-worth is confirmed: they feel liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else and valued.

Now consider what the result would be of imposing yourself on someone in one case and showing interest in someone in another. Naturally, you will fit all their criteria if you fulfil their need for confirmation of their own self-worth. If you are good for a person's self-esteem they will be lenient to any evident failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses; you may be concerned with your shortcomings, trying to cover them up and put your best qualities forward, but this is the last thing on the other person's mind. I repeat, your positive qualities and failings are not your partner's prime concern. The sense of self-worth they experience when talking to you however, is their upmost priority.

You might be 'gorgeous' in all respects but that will not help you in the search for a friend or partner. On the contrary, many stars suffer from loneliness. Your superb qualities may even set limitations on your search for a partner. People can see your full 'gorgeousness' but first and foremost they are evaluating to what extent they will feel significant standing next to your perfection. If you shine before them in all your glory they will probably decide that their personality can only fade in the glaring light. Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities and give your full attention to the person facing you. Make them feel that when they stand next to you they will know their true worth, and you will steal their heart.

When you are talking to someone and displaying an interest in them do it with sincerity. Do not let them feel that you are trying to win their favour by manipulating them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda. If you care enough to want a certain person to be well-disposed towards you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.

People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist try to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life. This way of acting is inner intention directed, and this is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others. Take a step back from the uniformity and take a different stance. Set yourself the task of giving your partner the opportunity to appear interesting rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant. Adjust to their frequency and listen attentively, asking questions and showing interest in your partner's chosen topic of conversation and their life. You will find that you can support a conversation in this way for up to several hours with your partner doing most of the talking. Towards the end of your conversation they will be absolutely convinced that they have met a very interesting confidante and a wonderful person all round.

Outer intention works by allowing the inner intention of others to be fulfilled. You sacrifice putting you own personality in the spot light to allow the personality of another to shine; and as a result you receive the very thing you sacrificed. The person in question will be won over instantly and become an avid fan because you have allowed them to fulfil their inner intention; something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.

What can you do if you wish to gain the attention of a person who does not currently wish to enter into dialogue with you such as the person you would like to accept your business proposal who is not remotely interested. In a situation such as this there is all the more reason to believe that you will only gain their interest by putting yourself and your proposal to one side and giving them your full attention. Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in, and take time talk to them. Only then will they show any interest in your problem.

You may ask why you should have to listen to others, take an interest in their life, give them your attention, and love and respect, when they are completely self-centered and cannot even be bothered to talk to you. Ok, well, why should they take an interest, admire, love and respect you? Everything you imagine to be true about yourself, how wonderful you are and oh how wonderful in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of dependent and importance relationships. Your inner intention is to be worthy but you will only become genuinely significant in the eyes of others if you abandon your inner intention and allow the inner intention of others to be fulfilled instead. Your advantage lies in the fact that you are outer intention directed whereas others are the inner intention directed. Make the most of your advantage.

Generally speaking, when you want something from someone you should bear one universal principle in mind: let go of the inner intention to receive and substitute it with the intention to give. It is very easy to do.

If you want someone to respect and acknowledge you, do not wait for their respect. Treat them with respect on your part. Make them feel that in your eyes they are important. If what you need is compassion and gratitude, do not expect others to give these things to you. Participate in other people's problems and look after them with sincerity. If you want to be thought attractive it will not happen just on account of a pair of beautiful eyes. Show someone else that you find them attractive by definition. If you need help and support be the one to help someone else. That way you increase your worth and will not be the one left owing. Finally, if you want to find mutual love abandon possessiveness and dependent relationships. You will find love if you can be the one just doing the loving without expecting anything in return. This kind of love is very rare and no-one can resist it. In all these cases you will inevitably receive the very thing you let go off.

There is one more question: how can you make someone do what you need them to do. You can force a person to do something with inner intention if you are in the necessary position of power. You can also persuade a person that it is essential that they do something. However, outer intention offers the most effective method: arrange things in such a way that the person wants to help you. Agree things so that it corresponds to their goals and aspirations. Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person's needs.

Start by defining the other person's needs, what they strive for, what they lack, be it money power, the respect of others, a sense of fulfilment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition, etc. All these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.

Everyone feels bad about themselves when they feel they are of little significance to the world. When a person does not feel needed or worth anything they naturally try and increase their sense of self-worth. When a person achieves a result they feel more confident and ready to set new tasks as the bar of their self-worth is raised. There is nothing wrong with this. No-one should be judged for their desire to feel more worthy. Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth, they just go about it in different ways. On the contrary, it is much worse when a person stops developing and does not want anything at all although this happens very rarely. Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life and so strive for something however modest.

So, work out how the task that is important to you might improve that person's sense of self-worth. Then, present the task to them in the context of how it would increase their stature. Allow a person to feel more valued and they will experience greater faith in themselves. When they do, be generously appreciative of them.

If you let yourself be guided by this principle you will easily prompt other people to act in their interest. Directed by inner intention you may try and force or cajole someone into doing something. Directed by outer intention you simply express the desire for everything to work out in your favour. To fulfil outer intention you have to arrange things in such a way that people act in your interests whilst thinking about their own concerns and doing what is important to them. All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests and think about the needs of others.

For example, if you are involved in retail you will be thinking about how you can sell your products to potential customers. The buyer however, will not be thinking about how to please you and neither do they wish to be sold to. They want to buy. Can you see the difference? The buyer is more likely to be thinking: "I wish everyone would stop trying to flog things to me and just let me choose what I want to buy."

Do not think about how to sell your products. Think about what the buyer might want to purchase. The desire to sell is a reflection of inner intention. Outer intention takes a totally different approach which is to find out what the buyer wants. You do not necessarily have to know what product the buyer wants exactly. If they suffer from rheumatism and you take a genuine interest in them by recommending a doctor or form of treatment, the buyer will make their purchase from you. This is an over-simplified example of course but the principle is infallible.

Every time you need something from someone or need to have them do something, let go of inner intention. Ask yourself what the other person's inner intention might be. Act in a way that assists that person in fulfilling inner intention. Once you are already helping someone else to fulfil their inner intention consider casually what you need from that person. Whilst you are busy realising the other person's intention, make your request in passing. You might find that you do not even have to hint at your own need and everything unfolds of its own accord. This is the magical power of outer intention.

An even more effective way of influencing other people is to try and induce their inner intention. When you break it down step by step, the method is quite simple. Enhancing one's sense of self-worth almost always serves as the motivation for inner intention. Everyone is trying to emphasize and increase their sense of self-worth to one degree or another and by one means of another. If you need something from someone all you have to do is think of how doing what you require of them would increase their sense of self-worth. This is what they call issuing a challenge.

You can issue a challenge to a group as well as an individual in the form of: "So, who among you is the best?" If you are playing on feelings of professional honour then the challenge may sound: "Let's not lose face!" You can also appeal to inner importance: "Let's show them what we are made of!" If a person accepts the challenge in the context of their self-worth they will carry out your will as if it were their own and you will have their commitment precisely because you have abandoned your own inner intention and paid attention to that of another. Work with other peoples' inner intention, not your own.

The Flow of Relationships

Most people or companies produce some kind of product for consumption. So, how do you motivate consumers to want to buy your product? If you think they will choose yours simply because it is such a fantastic product you are sadly mistaken. A typical mistake people make when they are directed by inner intention is to assume the standpoint that: "People are bound to buy our product because ours is a masterpiece".

This position is flawed on three accounts. Firstly, the phrase "ours is a masterpiece" is strongly directed by inner importance. You assume your creation is perfect, which means that it is important to you, and if this is the case, you will not be able to evaluate it objectively because you are not sufficiently indifferent. Secondly, inner intention is aimed at selling, but people will not want to buy because, in their eyes, your creation is not a masterpiece at all, and someone else's intention to sell is of no interest to them whatsoever. Finally, the greatest mistake of this approach directed by inner intention is that it centres around the product, rather than the customers' needs. The narrow focus of inner intention creates the perfect product that no-one needs and it happens all the time.

The position of outer intention lies in determining what people want, what they are missing, what they need, what motivates them and what their interests are. Outer intention follows the alternatives flow. All the time that you are busy creating a "masterpiece" taken from the glass ceiling of your own mind, you are going against the flow. The mind is always prone to idealise its own abilities and it becomes so totally and utterly absorbed in the creative process that it fails to notice what is happening outside of that. The mind strives to subordinate everything to its control. However consumer demand is a difficult thing to control because it goes with the flow and always follows its own course. It takes huge resources to influence the flow of demand and even then, it does not always work.

The mind cannot predict market trends but fortunately, it does not have to. All you need to do is stay abreast of the flow and note any minor changes in its course. There is no need to invent the object of demand. Almost all inventions that are ahead of their time do not end up being implemented and neither do they pay off. This does not mean that innovation has no place. The point here is that if you are counting on earning an income from a personal masterpiece that is ahead of its time you are likely to lose the bet. Of course, if your discovery is totally brilliant it might claim a winner-takes-all market but this does not happen all the time.

Only ventures that aim to fulfil their customers' current demands can be guaranteed of success. Now we can return to the question of how to make people want to buy your product. The answer is: you cannot. Trying to make someone want to buy something is, if not impossible, then extremely difficult. Acting from inner intention you inevitably try to push or impose your product. Going with the flow, outer intention works towards tracking what the customers want and where their needs have already been satisfied. Changes in demand are shaped by the alternatives flow. The alternatives flow contains all the answers and is the only thing that can guarantee success.

It is no coincidence that fundamental discoveries and inventions are sometimes made by different people practically simultaneously. This is an example of the phenomenon of material realisation and how it moves through the alternatives space. Everything that must come into being has its time. Only very recently, have many inventions accredited to Leonardo da Vinci been implemented in physical form.

This would all seem quite obvious. However, the mind is liable to forget as it endeavours to break away from the stream and take control of the current. We have already talked about how the alternatives flow is a sumptuous gift for the mind. Remember this and make the most of the good fortune. If you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.

Many problems in relationships occur as a result of the mind battling against the alternatives flow. Criticism is one aspect of the battle and is the direct fruit of inner intention. Encouragement and trust in a person's positive qualities is more concordant with outer intention. Criticising people is the same as fighting against the outside world. It will not bring any dividends unless you consider the need to vent your bile and provoke your enemy a dividend. In contrast, encouragement is a true driver in human relationships. We blame and criticise others when we are trying to influence them with inner intention. Yet, when you emphasise a person's positive qualities, no matter what, you lose nothing and allow the situation to develop to your benefit.

Never blame anyone. Many people reproach themselves and carry a sense of guilt around with them, but nobody likes to be reproached by others. People can be extremely condemning in relationship to themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism, and yet they will take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.

People will always take offense at criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not, so where does criticism get you? You might get to vent your bile but at the same time you create excess potential and end up being the one to suffer. You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong. They may listen to your accusations but are unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they agree with you superficially. You may be successful in asserting yourself at someone else's expense or at establishing your power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.

If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame. When you are disapproving of others and find them at fault you are in effect slapping your hands about on the water trying to swim against the current. When you resign yourself to other people's shortcomings and concentrate on their strengths you go with the flow which is immensely beneficial.

Unless it is dozing your Guardian will always find an explanation for the behaviour of the person you wished to judge. As the inner witness your Guardian will stop you from leaping headfirst into the game and starting a dispute or quarrel. Stand back and observe the game, as a spectator. Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.

Blame and criticism can never lead to anything positive because they catch a person off balance, and knock them off the course they were following. Everyone is guided by their own motives and aspirations and is in a flow that is carrying them in the direction of a specific goal. When you encourage a person, no matter what, you urge them in a favourable direction without making them lose the flow or undermining their inner most hopes. When you encourage someone nobody's rights are impinged upon and nobody's pride is knocked. Your interests become one and their desires run parallel to your own.

How do you feel when you are criticised? You probably either refuse to take the criticism on board or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well-founded. In neither case do you actually accept the criticism outright unless of course you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime. Criticism can spur you on or make you behave 'as you should'. However, only the mind can be coerced. It is impossible to force the hand of the heart. The heart will always either do what it wants to do or hinder the mind from doing what it thinks it should do. Criticism makes the heart an enemy of the mind – encouragement makes it an ally.

Encouragement is a creative force; criticism a destructive force. The successful applicants for business management positions are not the managers who focus on criticising poor quality work which any idiot can do, but individuals capable of creating an atmosphere of enthusiasm in which people are motivated to work efficiently. People feel driven to work hard in contributing to a common goal when they feel their individual worth is being valued.

Arguing to the end to prove your point is a sure way of making enemies. We have already discussed how senselessness and harmful it is to try and prove you are right at any cost in the chapter "The Alternatives Flow". If the argument is critical and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue. In all other cases, leave the job of exercising the right to slap your hands around in the water to others.

Winning a debate will never pay dividends. Your enemy however may well benefit from your efforts. No-one will never thank you for pointing out that they have been talking rubbish with absolute confidence and if they do it is only because they have a tendency for self-flagellation and a heightened sense of guilt. Yet, what good is winning one over on a person like that? If it is not going to compromise your interests in any way, allow others to freely state what they feel they cannot agree with. You on the other hand will avoid creating excess potential and battling against the current.

People who argue are usually oblivious to anything else but the game. They are in such a deep sleep that they cannot be awakened. To protect yourself from being drawn into the game you have to wake up and switch on your inner Guardian. If several people are taking part in a debate come down into the auditorium and watch the performance from there. There is a huge advantage in playing the role of the judicious spectator. Whilst everyone else is trying to fulfil their inner intention insisting on their personal opinion you have flown backwards from the window pane and are taking a good look around. You will see a solution that would not have occurred to any of the disputants. Do not try and force it upon them though. All you can do is make a suggestion; leave the horn locking to the others.

If you win the argument, you can consider yourself defeated. Even if your opponents have formally acknowledged that you are right you can be sure that in their minds they will have found numerous informal arguments in their own favour. Whatever the case, the one who loses the argument takes a knock to their self-esteem and who delivered the blow? The one who succeeded in proving their own point of view.

You would not want to punch another person in the face, after all; so why would you possibly want to deliver the same blow to their feeling of self-worth? People often offend each other in this way and the insult always has a hidden quality to it because the hurt is taken silently. People do not like to demonstrate their need to assert their self-worth openly. We are all supposed to have a sense of worth automatically, so no-one wants to reveal that they have to fight for theirs, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation at every step we take.

Just because a person keeps quiet when their self-esteem has taken a knock does not mean that they were not hurt or had simply accepted the knock. The hurt will continue to live in them, not in their conscious mind but in their subconscious. When you win an argument you feel confident that you have risen in standing. However, you have only won by compromising the integrity of your opponent. We all know that the hidden hurt will end in tears eventually. Moreover, the defeated opponent will never acknowledge your newly acclaimed worth.

There is one sure way to set a person against you which is to let them know how much better you are then they. "Do not make idols for yourselves and do not create enemies" is the most important slogan you could have for creating relationships that go with the flow. Avoid injuring other peoples' sense of self-esteem like the plague. Make it a kind of taboo. In so doing, you will save yourself from endless problems and niggling unpleasantries you will never know the reason for because of the hidden nature of the blow to self-worth.

What the person arguing with you is really trying to do is protect their own sense of worth in one way or another so meet them half-way. Agree with what they are trying to say. By agreeing you will have given the person what they wanted enabling you to calmly express your own point of view without having to insist or prove anything. When you take this approach you not only go with the flow; you implement outer intention. The results will be beyond compare and far superior to anything you could have achieved via sophisticated intellectual contrivances.

It is essential that the tone of the conversation be set to one of agreement from the very beginning. If the first thing a person utters in response to your opening phrase is "No", you can consider that trying to convince them of anything is totally out of the question. The person you are talking to has taken a different turning and there is no chance of them now going with the flow together with their conversation partner. It is important to start a conversation in such a way that the first word a person says is "yes". Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue. It does not matter what topic of conversation you choose to start with, as long as your conversant agrees with you. Later, you can smoothly navigate the conversation towards more contentious issues. There will now be a much greater chance of achieving the outcome you desire because by inertia both are moving in the same direction and going with the flow. The thought energy of the conversants will avoid being brought into dissonance.

If somewhere you have slipped up and are expecting to be blamed fairly, try not to get all prepared to defend yourself. Come forward in admitting your mistake. Then, the person who had intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance. In this instance the saying 'attack is the greatest form of defence' does not apply. You have effectively agreed in advance with your opponent's line of argument giving their intention the green light. Your anticipatory submissiveness realises their inner intention to put you in your place at the same time as increasing their own magnitude. Because you have taken the step voluntarily without being forced into it your self-esteem will not suffer in the slightest. You end up killing two birds with one stone: you increase the standing of your opponent for which they will be grateful, and you keep your own integrity.

By defending yourself and trying to justify your mistakes you end up rowing against the tide and giving your energy over to pendulums. Whatever the circumstances, the desire to justify yourself comes from heightened inner importance. Lay down this crippling burden, gift yourself the right to make mistakes and allow yourself to make them. Do not justify your mistakes, acknowledge them and you will immediately feel relieved.

In the chapter "The Alternatives Flow" I mentioned that irritating comments other people sometimes make can actually be very helpful. Other people's suggestions that you may at first have been inclined to take coldly can in the end turn out to have more sense than you initially thought. The comments and suggestions of others only hurt if we have somewhere heightened inner importance. Drop importance and stop fighting the current. Accept that the other person was right or at the very least, try to bear it in mind.

Tell the person that they were right about what they said and you will see the result. You are not obliged to say anything, but do it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Everyone makes mistakes, fools and thinkers alike, but unlike fools people with brains can acknowledge their mistakes. By admitting aloud, that the person was indeed right you win their good grace.

People live in an aggressive world of pendulums where at any moment they may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves. Suddenly you are offering to do that for them. In this moment the problem of having to defend their position to you is pre-empted. They immediately feel a sense of relief and are grateful for the assistance afforded during battle. You are no longer a potential opponent but an ally. All this information passes through your partner's subconscious in a matter of seconds. People think in exactly the same way in lucid dreaming. If however you practice mindfulness you will find it easy and even fun to adopt the role of witnessing others peoples' right-mindedness.

When someone turns out to be right, other people usually keep quiet whereas you openly express your opinion that the person was right. For that person the moment will have huge significance and they will feel indebted or at the very least grateful to you, although for the most part the realisation will be subconscious.

Imagine what a jungle we live in. People have to be constantly on the look out, ready to spot potential opponents even in relationships that, on the surface of things, look relatively friendly. Everyone puts themselves first and is ever ready to defend themselves. This is no over-exaggeration. It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.

Given the nature of the environment we live in, you can become a real treasure for those who are already tired of the battle. Can you just imagine how many allies you could fine?! All it takes is to ditch importance and not hold back in acknowledging other people when you know that they are proven right. Your advantage is that you act with conscious awareness whereas other people are asleep and will therefore never thank you in return. If they could wake up and express their opinion or attitudes mindfully you would hear them say something along the lines of: "Yes, this person is far from stupid. They are nice. I would like to get to know them better. What a sweetie."

No-one will say these words aloud and they may not even say them to themselves but this is what their subconscious feeling would sound like if it could be expressed. Imagine the gold that lies at your feet. People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance that they wander around failing to notice the nuggets lying right under their noses. You have a huge advantage: mindfulness, the absence of importance as well as the willingness to give others your attention. Make the most of your advantage and you will see gold where others can only see stones.

Attuning to Fraile

When people communicate with each other they tend to make adjustments and allowances to take account of the character, temperament, intellectual level, manners etc of the person they are talking to. If two people cannot adjust to each other's differences they will not achieve a level of mutual understanding and any communication between them will be no more than empty words and hot air. You cannot achieve mutual understanding without attuning to the frequency of your partner.

The term "attuning to the frequency of your partner" is of course purely customary. You know by now that I am using an over-simplified model for the sake of convenience. It does not matter too much exactly how the attunement takes place on the physical level. The essential idea is that every individual is bestowed with a unique range of personality characteristics which we refer to in Transurfing as fraile.

When you manage to establish a close connection with another person you are actually frailing, i.e. attuning to that person's special characteristics. How successfully you are able to communicate with another person is directly dependant on how well you have been able to grasp the essence of your partner's fraile. Frailing is not as difficult as it might sound. Giving your full attention is the most important aspect to successfully attuning to another's fraile. Without the power of attention there can be no question of even beginning to attune to each other's frequencies. On the one hand, this is an obvious thing to say; and yet as a rule, people forget it and in conversation with another concentrate solely on their own thoughts.

A successful businessman once said: "Everyone wants to offer me something, but no-one ever asks me what I need". People who want something from another are usually concerned with their own problems and wondering how they can solve them with the help of other people. This is pure inner intention. Accordingly, if you think about what other people want you activate the functioning of outer intention.

How can you connect what you want with the needs of another? First of all you have to consciously focus your attention on their interests. Shift your inner sight from yourself to your conversation partner. A person will only be interested in delivering a counter question in the context of their own problems and aspirations. Your thoughts are currently focused on what you want but this is of absolutely no interest to anyone else. It is really of any significance to you what others want? They feel exactly the same way about their own concerns. They do not really care about anyone else's needs. So, the only way of finding a common language and understanding your partner's wavelength is to lead the conversation within the context of the other person's interests. You are sure to have mulled your own problems over for more than long enough. Now switch your attention to your partner's concerns. Set your partner's intention at the foundation of your communication and only build your own concerns on top.

For example, you might want to take a holiday in August. It is essential that you take a break. You are thinking of your interests. What does your boss think about you taking leave? He is thinking about your work and not even remotely interested in your need for a holiday. There are two ways around this. The first is to go up to your boss and start groaning about your problems and needs. The second is to explain that your workload is expected to increase in September and so you would like to take a break in August to be back at work and working efficiently by September. Which approach do you think would be most effective? Your boss might suggest that you wait and take a break in October, but likely as not he will agree with you because he hears a suggestion expressed at his own frequency. You attune yourself to the frequency of another person's thought energy when you talk to them in the language of their own interests.

When the rider and the donkey are both lost in their own thoughts the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction. The donkey is thinking about carrots and so if you show the donkey a carrot it will go wherever you want it to. You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey's intention. How does fulfilling someone else's desire benefit the donkey? Ask yourself this question every time you need someone to do something for you. If you can find an answer to the question they will do what you need them to do.

Listening attentively to what a person is trying to tell you is essential to attuning to their frequency unless of course your intent is to dominate the conversation with your own themes of interest and opinions. In large groups everyone talks at the same time, but it does not really matter because no-one is listening anyway. Of course, some people will pretend to be listening but ninety percent of their attention is aligned with their own thoughts. You do not have to shine with wit and erudition to stand out as an interesting conversationalist. It is enough just to listen to your conversation partner.

If a person is indifferent to you but for some reason you need to stimulate their interest or participation talk about what interests them. Just for a while forget about what interests you personally because that radiates at a completely different frequency. Adjust to the frequency of your conversation partner. Put yourself in their shoes and you will begin to understand what motivates them, and the reasons for their actions and attitudes. When you attune to your partner's frequency you can smoothly move on to the issue that interests you.

A person's name is the simplest key to their frequency. You cannot get away from the fact that since birth a person has been appealed to by name. Use their name in the course of the conversation more often and it will have an effect. Calling someone by their name is like a password indicating that you come as a friend with good intentions and acknowledge that person's worth.

Everyone to some extent or another maintains a protective field around them that jealously guards their self-worth. You will not be able to attune to your partner's frequency if they are surrounded by a protective wall of formality or distrust. Sometimes the obstacle can be overcome with the help of a certain disarming directness. If you show that you are not trying to hold up a field of protection around your self-worth and have no intention of pouncing, the other person will be encouraged to let down their screen of protection. The most effective way of dissolving a barrier of separation is to demonstrate your genuine liking for that person.

Why do we love our pets so much? It is because they always show us how genuinely pleased they are to see us. They wag their tails, purr, jump up at us, squeal and show their delight in any number of ways. There are other less communicative beings such as aquarium fish but these creatures do not inspire love. They are like plants or a part of the furniture. It is as if the creatures we love are saying to us: "I do not need anything from you. I am just so pleased to see you!" This is one of the main reasons people adore their pets.

In dealing with people, if you want to inspire a sense of fellow-feeling in someone, show them how happy you are to see them. You do not have to go as far as expressing canine delight but you can smile and greet them enthusiastically, call them by their name and listen attentively. If you behave with the warmth of an aquarium fish you can expect the relationship to develop accordingly.

The way it works is very simple. On a subconscious level your partner will think: "I have met a person who is happy to see me. I must mean something in this world. This person confirms it. What a pleasant, attractive person!" People ask: "How are you?" out of habit expecting the standard response.

Attention and participation in any dialogue must be genuine. There is nothing more off-putting and sterile than a dialogue raised to the order of etiquette. People pull on a smile as if it were just another accessory. It might as well be a tie than a smile. Any answer that deviates from the norm is considered an anomaly. Nobody cares about other peoples' problems really, so what is the point in asking?

You can be in resonance with someone you are communicating with by radiating energy at their characteristic frequency. Everyone has their own resonant frequency, their own "forte"; the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in or proud of. A person's forte is like a musical string that sounds at their resonant frequency. If you can determine a person's true passion, discuss it with them; give them the chance to express themselves. This is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone. If you can catch the thread of their 'forte' wooing them will be easy.

You can easily win a person's favour by asking for their help with some difficulty or asking them to do you a small favour. When you ask your partner for a favour you abandon your own importance and increase theirs. Your partner will feel more significant if you convey that you need their help and give them an opportunity to express themselves, emphasizing their significance.

If the person can provide you with the service you requested they will feel needed when they are with you and you will no doubt win their favour. The feeling of personal self-worth means a great deal to people. Anyone you manage to inspire this feeling in will remember your generosity to the end of their days. No doubt you are still grateful to people who have valued your strengths in the past.

You might think that I exaggerate the significance of self-worth and it is true, if you look at people from the point of view of frailing, it can seem like everyone considers themselves king. Nonetheless, self-worth plays an essential role in shaping human behaviour and motivation. What do you think causes a person to feel the most hurt? Perhaps when they feel ignored, insulted, are beaten or maimed? No, a person is wounded most deeply when they are degraded.

Aside from life itself, people cherish nothing more dearly than their sense of self-worth. The most powerful hunger, aside from feeling physical hungry, is being hungry for power. This naturally represents the extreme and final stage of the battle for self-worth. Not many people get to this stage and yet when there is nothing more a person could wish for in a material sense they are left with the battle for power. Nothing excites people more than power so you can imagine the role the feeling of self-worth plays in people's actions and motivations.

Criticism in any form knocks a person's self-worth. Criticism is a kind of anti-frailing. Never tell anyone to their face that they are wrong. Even if you are confident that you are in the right it is much more beneficial to remain a position of neutrality. That way you will avoid undermining the other person's sense of self-worth and protect yourself from the action of balanced forces.

Another way that we hurt each other is by touching on our negative slides. The slide hangs on the film of importance and so when you knock the slide you touch on an open wound. The negative slide is a picture of what the person does not like about themselves. As you know, people with negative slides try to hide their unwanted qualities and project them onto others. Try making a counter accusation, i.e. handing the projection back to its owner, and you will be surprised by the turbulent reaction it evokes. Nothing will persuade that person to admit that you are right and they are more likely to become your worst enemy. It is better to leave other people's negative slides alone, to say nothing of trying to explain to them that it is all a negative slide in their head.

Being in love is of course the most perfect way of attuning to another's fraile. It is difficult if not impossible to explain how and why love happens and so much has been written on this theme already. Mutual love demands that we let go of the right to possess and simply give our love unconditionally. As long as it is not turned into a dependent relationship love can be preserved once it has already flowered, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love. That is all I can say on the subject of love.

So here I have roughly described the principles of frailing. The way I have described relationships as those directed by intention and those that go with the flow is purely relative. Relationships that go with the flow can be examined from the position of intention and vice versa. In the end it is all down to frailing. You attune to your partner's frequency; you both turn in the same way; you act in that person's interests moving in the same direction and as a result, you achieve something you could never have achieved via the standard methods of inner intention.

Energy in Relationships

In the chapter "pendulums" I talked about the benefit of visualisation. Just to remind you, the essence of visualisation is the following: Let us suppose that someone is causing you a problem, annoying you or even attacking you. Or perhaps the situation is the opposite and you need something from someone. If this is the case, you need to roughly determine what is driving that person; what is eating at them and what they are lacking: health, confidence, inner calm? Everyone has something that eats away at them, even if it is something relatively small and niggling, especially if that person is causing you problems or it may be you causing them a problem! Now imagine a situation in which that person receives exactly what they need.

For example, imagine that person doing what they love most, the thing that gives them a feeling of pleasure, fulfilment and peace. There is no need to think too hard about the details of the favourable scenario. Just visualise the first picture that comes to mind. They might be sitting at home by the fire with a glass of beer, swimming happily in the sea, wandering through a valley of wild flowers, riding a bicycle or jumping for joy. If you manage to "please" this person with the picture in your mind they will become well-disposed towards you seemingly for no reason, and will do what you ask of them, or ease the problematic situation.

What is really happening here? It is pretty much the same as watching a good film and by that I mean a film that conveys a sense of the joy of life. You watch a film like that and you begin to feel good, and your heart is filled with a light festive feeling. The film creates a celebration for the soul both on an intellectual and an emotional level. Beneficial visualisation also creates this feeling on an energetic level. If you have been able to successfully attune to a person's fraile and guess what their needs are, they will feel as if a comforting wave has suddenly come over them.

The difference between the feeling of celebration on an intellectual and an energetic level is this: when a person receives the energy delicacy of your visualisation they experience a comforting feeling without being aware of its source. That does not actually matter. The important thing is that the person will now feel comfortable when they are with you and you will have won their good-will. It is important to remember that a beneficial visualisation like this should be carried out with sincerity by uniting the heart and mind. If you genuinely wish the other person well, the effect can be quite substantial.

As you know, it is the abundance of free energy that makes a person charming, magnetic, powerful and charismatic. People mostly pick up on the energy of a powerful personality subconsciously. Depending on whether the person's energy is softer or harsher they will come across as more or less charming or powerful. In any case, the force of a person's energy is proportional to the volume of free energy they run and the strength of their connection between their heart and mind. The excess of free energy overflows in a fountain and is felt by others. Free energy is programmed by thought. The closer the strivings of the heart and mind the purer the programming will be. It is no coincidence that strong personalities come across as having strong integrity and wholeness.

As I have already said, charm is in fact mutual love between the heart and mind. When the heart is let out of its box it makes a person more attractive and magnetic. Their attractiveness lies not so much in their personal power as in the connection between their heart and mind. This is what people are lacking and so they feel drawn to such people as moths are drawn to the light. On an energetic level charm represents the energy a person radiates when they have union of heart and mind. If the force of their energy fountains is great enough they will literally shine with inimitable charm.

People with heaps of charm live in a condition of harmony between the heart and mind, that is, in accordance with their own credo. People like this are happy; they enjoy life and bathe in their own love without the slightest whiff of narcissism. Other people can sense their constant feeling of celebration.

Such people are few and far between but you could be one of them. You just have to turn to face your heart, love yourself and set out on the path to your innermost goal. Not only will your personal qualities change but your body will become more attractive, your face softer and your smile enchanting. When you are firmly on your target life line your external appearance, i.e. part of the scenery of that sector, will correspond to the characteristics of the energy you radiate when you see your own perfection. This is not as unlikely as it might seem. If you do not believe me, just look through some photographs of yourself that were taken when you were going through a dark period in your life.

By training your meridians and increasing your energy levels you will develop the unusual ability to influence people and inspire their good will towards you. To become the life and soul of the party all you have to do is abandon importance and turn on your energy fountains. A person with an abundance of free energy always evokes the interest and good will of others. This is particularly evident when free energy is attuned to the thought energy of those present.

You might find yourself having a discussion with a group of colleagues or friends. The frequency of the thought energy of those present will be attuned roughly to the same theme as if they were all swaying in unison. Turn on your fountains and let them flood your group. Feel your energy field and sense it expanding to encompass everyone taking part in the discussion. Then your comments will have greater weight and the other people present will feel the power of your thoughts.

When talking to a person one to one you can mentally launch a beneficial visualisation for them. If your energy fountains are working at the same time you will create a most favourable impression. This technique will grant you a huge advantage in situations that require your personal charm or strength making you successful in negotiations, exams, job interviews and personal relationships.

A favourable visualisation is an effective and tolerant means of attuning to the frequency of the person you are conversing with. Energy vampires attune to fraile by pulling on painful strings or invading your soul space. Unlike energy vampires you are not 'pawing' at the other person's fraile or draining their energy. They will appreciate it and be grateful to you.

Pardon

If you know you have shortcomings that could hinder you from achieving your goal or think that you lack the necessary knowledge and skills accept it. Accept yourself just the way you are. Allow yourself the luxury of having shortcomings and lacking the necessary qualities. This will help and give you a sense of relief and inner calm. If you try to hide the fact that you lack the necessary qualities and conceal your shortcomings they will undoubtedly show themselves at a critical moment.

Lack of self-acceptance will always manifest in the form of obstacles. We create the obstacles in our lives ourselves: firstly, feeling guilty or inadequate creates excess potential and balanced forces then exacerbate the situation; secondly, outer intention inevitably realises your fears. Anything you try to block out will become part of the script. For example, someone will always ask you the one question you fear to answer or request that you demonstrate the one thing you do not know how to do. But worst of all, you will be overcome with tension or freeze up at the critical moment.

Where does your free energy go? Your free energy is spent on supporting the excess potential of importance, on battling with balanced forces and managing situations that are fast threatening to roll out of control. The more importance you attribute to your shortcomings the more insistent the resistance of balanced forces will be. The tighter your grip of control, the stronger the pressure exerted by the alternatives flow, because it has no intention of stopping. Eventually, the energy of intention is exhausted. What would you expect to be capable of in this condition?

Imagine if you had to carry a piglet around with you wherever you went. The piglet would be squealing, trying to wriggle free and you would constantly be trying to keep it tucked tightly under your arm and somehow quieten it down. Then you would finally let the piglet go and immediately feel free and light with relief. The energy you had been spending holding on to the squeaker would now be entirely at your disposal to channel into other things.

The piglet comparison is not as obtuse as it might seem. It is unlikely that you will be able to hide your shortcomings and so it is better to concentrate on your strengths. You will see for yourself how much freer and at ease you feel if you let go and accept your shortcomings before an event where you have to be at your best. It may be an interview, an exam, a performance, a contest, or even a romantic date. Take off your cloak of inner importance. Give yourself pardon (in the sense of absolution) for your shortcomings and you will feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders as the excess potential disappears and the energy of intention is released.

The battle with your own shortcomings is the work of inner intention. It is the work of the fly beating itself against the window pane. In contrast, eliminating excess potential and freeing up energy gives you a huge advantage.

There is a grain of truth in the saying: "What the eye fears, the hands do". What is better, to be tortured by doubt, to wallow in your hang ups, to lick your lips in desire and fitfully conceal your weaknesses or to simply shake off the baggage and calmly fulfil the work of purified intention? If you cannot drop importance, you must at least leg go of the grip of control and shift from worrying to taking action. Just begin the process of doing, in whatever way you can. It does not matter whether your actions are effective initially or not. Allow yourself to act badly. The potential of importance will be dissipated in the course of action; the energy of intention will be released and everything will work out fine.

Job Hunting

To conclude this chapter I would like to demonstrate how the principles of Transurfing, including frailing, work in practice in a situation that is relevant to everyone. You have probably read various sources giving instruction on how to write your resume and how to behave in a job interview. You may gain new and useful insights from the material I am going to share with you below.

First you have to decide which job is right for you. In making your decision you can rely totally on the method of choosing goals and doors so there is no need for me to repeat the details of those steps here. You must just keep in mind that you genuinely do have the right to choose and that your potential is only limited by your intention and the level of importance you attribute to it. In the process of coming to a decision about the kind of job that would most suit you, do not think about prestige, the means to achieving it or your shortcomings. Focus on whether the job is really for you or not.

You may have doubts about whether there will be a vacancy for you at the position of your choice. If this is the case, you should be aware that pendulums will create the necessary conditions for anxiety, disappointment and even despair. You must remain aware of this and constantly affirm that you have the right to choose and that if you make an order, sooner or later it will be delivered.

In dreaming, your intention works instantly, but material realisation is inert like tar and so it takes time, patience and indomitable conviction that you have the right to choose. In a restaurant with poor service you may have to wait a long time for the waiter but you are certain that your order will appear eventually. In this instance I recommend using the following slide: You make your own choice deciding on the kind of job you want, but how you will find it is nothing to do with you. Anything is possible in the alternatives space although pendulums will do their best to convince you otherwise. All you have to do is choose and hold the firm intention to receive your order.

Of course, if your financial situation does not allow you to wait you will have to resign yourself to taking whatever is currently available. That should be obvious. However, once you have work that provides at least a minimum wage you can make your order for the best and calmly await its arrival. If you enjoy your work but feel a little tense or inhibited carry a slide in your mind picturing how well you do your work and the feelings of pleasure and self-fulfilment you get from it. If the feeling of tension does not dissipate over time it is a case of inner discomfort. In this case it would be worth looking for something else instead.

Once you have decided upon the job you would like to have, you can begin running the slide in your mind picturing that your goal has already been achieved. At the same time it is essential that you do your part and do not sit around with your arms folded. Before you set about writing your resume and preparing for interviews focus your intention in the right direction.

It would be a mistake to make being offered the job the focus of your goal. The goal should sit in your thoughts as a slide featuring you, already having been offered the job with the application process behind you. By wondering whether you will be chosen or not you inevitably create scenarios of defeat. Remember the transfer chains. The first link is writing your cv. This is where you must focus inner intention.

When you are writing your resume, stipulate all your skills but only indicate one position, the one you are currently applying for. There is a good reason for this. Firstly, displaying the willingness to do this, that or the other, will not evoke confidence in your potential employer who will assume that you are desperate enough to accept any position as long as they take you on somewhere. Secondly, by setting yourself several goals all at the same time you spread yourself too thin and intention is transformed from a firm central core to a formless amoeba. Thirdly, when you take on too much at once you concentrate excess potentials around you and as a result, end up with nothing. You have the right to choose but on each occasion choose just one quality. When you are choosing a toy you do not demand that it combine all the qualities of a doll, a gun and board game all at the same time!

Decide who you really want to be and what position would suit you best. There is no need to be shy or hold back; for you are choosing this position for yourself. Remember, you do not have to fight for your place in the sun. You have the right to choose. Indicate the specialisation you have chosen and do not worry about the fact that jobs of that kind might be scarce. If you can allow yourself to have you will get exactly what you want. How it happens should not concern you. Give this task to outer intention.

When you are writing your resume inner intention will be intent on showing what a brilliant specialist you are but outer intention focuses on what the employer is looking for. Do you see you difference? Of course, everyone needs brilliant specialists but if you are new to job hunting you might be completely bewildered to find that the employer has favoured another brilliant specialist with more modest strengths.

Your competitor will beat you to the post because their characteristics are a better match for the employer's perception of the position. You may protest that you are a match too and a perfect one at that! But that is the problem; 'a perfect one at that' creates a situation in which 'perfect' is the enemy of the good. The employer is completely focused on the inner intention to select a specialist in accordance with the characteristics he considers necessary. He is beating against the window pane failing to notice the wide open window that you represent.

The mind is not capable of predicting demand. It will do what it can to present you as the 'masterpiece' it perceives you to be. Yet the market dictates totally different criteria. Naturally you should show yourself in the best possible light, without over exaggerating, but in the process of writing focus all your thoughts and motives on the problems faced by the employer. Ask yourself what he wants from you and what he needs. Put yourself in the employer's shoes.

You can take the easy approach and simply read through the vacancies that match your specialisation and make a note of all the responsibilities and qualities required of the candidates. You will see that many things are repeated. From the general mass of information select everything that relates to you. Then adjust and adapt to the responsibilities and qualities required and you will be left with a picture of what the employer wishes to see in your resume. You can literally copy into your resume everything the employer expects from the successful applicant. When you are looking for ways to embellish your resume make sure that you express yourself using the employer's language rather than conjuring up your own eloquent phrases.

Imagine that rather than being a job applicant you are actually the employer compiling a template of the ideal resume of your future employee. Then your resume will meet the employer's criteria rather than your own. To do this successfully, you need to look through an abundance of vacancies and put yourself in the shoes of those who posted them. You should indicate all your skills beyond those required. However, make sure that you especially highlight and emphasise the requirements indicated. Your resume should sound a chord with the employer's conditions.

Before you upload your resume to the Internet for example, put yourself in your employer's position and do a search for the resume of specialists in your field. It will give you a huge advantage and you will discover all sorts of useful details. The majority of applicants directed solely by inner intention go directly to the search vacancies section and upload their resume straightaway. Try first doing a search for the resumes of specialists in your desired position. Imagine that you are the one choosing the best candidate. Then you will become aware of all the strengths and weaknesses of your competitors and will understand what the employer feels when he reads the same resumes. Then you will understand what you might need to change in your own.

Once you have compiled your resume send it off to various companies but be careful not to bang on the door too fervently. Allow the door to open to you. You need to recommend yourself without pressurising. Let them choose you. For example, publish your resume in various media forms. Do not pressure the world with your desires and aspirations. Shift the centre of gravity from searching for work to announcing your presence in the work market. As far as possible allow the work to find you. Never send your resume to the same address twice. Have respect for yourself and know your worth. If you are an exclusive specialist send your resume to recruiting agencies and calmly await the catch.

Do not expect an immediate response. You may have to wait for a long time for your order to be processed. It all depends on the purification of the intention. If your desire is burning like a bright flame balanced forces will interfere in all kinds of ways. Often an order is fulfilled just as all hope has been lost. The greater your indifference to your order the sooner it will be completed. The absence of desire grants a freedom that allows you to concentrate on the intention to act rather than on worrying about the possibility of failing.

Eventually you will be invited to an interview. At this point you must be extremely careful of your intention. The narrow-mindedness of inner intention will prompt thoughts such as how working for that particular company would benefit you. Inner intention will concentrate your thoughts on what you can bring to the company. This is the moment to clear the target slide from your mind, forget about yourself and focus totally on the needs of the employer. You should now be solely interested in the employer's inner intention.

Learn as much as you can about the company beforehand from their promotional material. Identify what the company prides itself in and how they choose to differentiate themselves from their competitors. Make sure you have a clear picture of these things in your mind and be sure to bring them up during the interview. Every company, just like every pendulum, has its own resonant frequency which is characterised by a number of qualities. Get a sense of the spirit of the company. Are their corporate ethics regulated or unregulated? Is the preferred form of in house communication official or informal? What is more greatly valued in the employees' relationship to their work, enthusiasm and initiative or discipline and a can-do attitude? Do they favour team work or individual creativity, etc? All these factors place certain restrictions on the company's employees and determine the behavioural style that makes them a part of the group. If you manage to get a clear sense of the spirit of the company even at interview stage you will be considered 'their type of person'.

Before the interview give yourself pardon for your shortcomings and weaknesses. If you know that you have shortcomings that could weaken your chances of achieving your goal or think that you lack certain knowledge and skills accept it. Accept yourself the way you are. Accept everything you would rather conceal and walk calmly into the interview. There is no such thing as the ideal candidate just as there is no such thing as the ideal employer, so you can boldly abandon internal and outer importance. You do not have to justify your actions to yourself or anyone else. Of course this does not mean that you should not work on your shortcomings but during the interview it is essential that you give yourself permission not to be perfect.

Everyone knows that it does not help to feel nervous during your interview. People try and control their anxiety with the power of inner intention but however insistently you try to convince yourself that you are calm, and however much you try not to get anxious it will not work. You cannot do anything about your nerves unless you eliminate the cause. Battling with inner panic can make you freeze and then you will behave like the mummy of an Egyptian pharaoh. The only effective way of reducing stress when you are in the hot-seat is to accept the possibility of failure beforehand.

The desire to be chosen creates excess potential. The more meaning you attribute to a successful outcome and the more important the job is to you the fewer you chances become. It is essential that you purify your intention of desire. You are going to the interview not to be offered the job but simply to get through the interview; not to pass the interview but literally, to get through it. Do not strive for your goal, concentrate on the process. Enjoy the interview process like any other event in life. Nobody is going to eat you and you have nothing to lose. This is the time to relax and take pleasure in the proceedings. Set your mind on this thought; for the interview is a wonderful opportunity to show yourself in the best possible light. Grant yourself the rewarding experience. Cast away any thoughts of messing things up. You have already accepted the possibility of defeat so you really do have nothing to lose.

At interview all the applicant's thoughts are usually focused on showing themselves in the best possible light. This is inner intention. In what light exactly can you show yourself to be best? Outer intention is focused on expressing a genuine interest in the issues of the employer. Only in the light of the employers concerns can you be the best.

Your task lies in answering questions in such a way that you return to the context of the employer's concerns. The skill lies in doing this at the same time as giving precise answers without talking profusely or deviating from the subject. It always irritates an employer when an applicant gives vague answers to a question and indulges in lengthy explanations. That said, as soon as the opportunity arises try to touch on issues related to what the company-employer does, what it takes pride in and what problems it may be facing. You should develop the conversation within this context. Your strengths should be conveyed in the light of the company's problems. Talk to the employer about these problems and how your professional qualities are relevant to their solution. This is outer intention. If you have been able to lead the conversation in the direction of the employer's concerns you can be confident that the game is being played according to your script.

Finally, if you were not the successful applicant the job obviously was not meant for you. You never know what problems you may have escaped so luckily. Be calm–wait for the job that is meant for you and you will be the successful applicant. If you have been accepted to a position that is meant for another you can expect to come into problems. So, carry on searching for the job that is yours. How to go about this you already know. The issue of work should not be grounds for the slightest wave of inner discomfort. This is the time to go to work as if to a celebration.

SUMMARY

Use other people's inner intention to achieve your own goals.

The feeling of self-worth lies at core of inner intention.

Do not try and change others; do not try and change yourself either.

To act more naturally switch your attention from self to others.

Play the game of increasing other people's sense of self-worth.

If you want to attract attention, show an interest in those around you.

In conversation people are not inclined to evaluate how interesting you are; they are evaluating how well you might suit the role of realising their self-worth.

Express your interest in others with sincerity.

Outer intention helps you to realise the inner intention of others.

Let go of the intention to get and replace it with the intention to give.

As a result, you will get the very thing you gave up.

Argument and criticism are the mind's battle with the alternatives flow.

Avoid any action that injures another's self-esteem.

At the beginning of any conversation, take a turn with your partner so that you are moving in the same flow direction together.

Do not justify your mistakes – consciously admit them.

Adopt the role of defending other people when they are right.

A display of genuine liking for someone brings down their protective barrier.

Asking a small favour of someone is the best way of befriending them.

Healthy visualisation creates a condition of comfort on an energetic level.

An individual's personal power and influence is proportional to their free energy.

Charm is the result of mutual love between heart and mind.

Allow yourself the luxury of having shortcomings and lacking strengths.

The excess potential of inner importance is dissipated through action.